White Gloves
by dragonnova
Summary: Roy's gloves are missing, and Ed was the only one in the office. Did Ed take them? Will Roy find them? Will Riza Shoot Roy for... well... being Roy? Only those who read will find out! Humor one shot with hints of RoyxRiza and short jokes... oh, the short


**La dee da notes:** So, I don't own FMA at all... Square Enix does...

and I guess I should say that I've only watched about the first 3 dvds and then a couple of episodes here and there around ep.25-ish. So Forgive me if my facts aren't strait, some of this maybe based on hearsay... but it's all for fun. So I hope you have fun reading this.

This fic is mainly humor... oneshot... with hints of RoyxRiza (somewhat onesided on Roy's part though.) Main characters are Ed, Al (al's so cute ), Roy, and Riza. There's also an appearance by Hughes, Havoc, and Falman.(cause I love those guys )Oh, and the 'short' jokes run rampant :P

There are hints to cussing but none actually cause I don't talk like that... I just don't know what to rate thisI rate it kinda highbut I think it would be safe for a kid. Ok, I'll shut up now and let you read on.

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**Missing**: White Gloves

a Full Metal Alchemist Fan Fic

by Dragonnova

The morning sunlight was shining through the window of the rather large office, illuminating the wooden desk that sat nearest the window in the middle of the room. There were some papers spread out across the desk, as though somebody was in the middle of reading reports and then left suddenly, without warning. The desk chair was vacant, pushed to the side carelessly, confirming the hurried departure. The blond boy that was sitting in front of the desk leaned back, sighing a little impatiently as his chair creaked. He flipped through the little red covered report he held tightly in his hands. There was another desk in the room, a blond woman with her hair pulled up shifted in her chair, glancing over at the boy, watching him silently for a spell. He sighed again, running his fingers through his light bangs and then resting his elbow on the chair arm with his head against the palm of his hand. He caught sight of the woman watching him, turning his head slightly to meet her gaze. She didn't back down, didn't look away from him.

"Colonel Mustang will be back in just a moment." She answered his silent question.

"You said that ten minutes ago." the boy replied.

"He has very important personal business to attend to. "

"In other words, he had to use the bathroom..." Ed snorted.

She sighed and continued, yet not denying what he had said "I'm sorry, Edward, there's nothing I can do." She shook her head and returned to her paper work.

Ed sighed again, "Lieutenant, can't I just leave it on his desk and leave? I mean who knows how long that jerk's going to be in there!" He stood leaning over the desk and started to set the report on top of the other papers, something caught his eye.

"No, I'm sorry Edward, but I can't let you do that. Colonel Mustang specifically said that he HAD to talk to you personally about your last mission." She stopped him.

Ed remained in his position, hovering over the desk, eyeing it suspiciously, before he finally turned and faced Riza Hawkeye, "He just wants to insult me some more. That jerk lives to torment me."

She didn't answer his accusation, she knew full well that was one of Roy's great joys in his career. Tormenting his subordinate with a never ending supply of short jokes. Edward was rather short for his age, she had to admit, but Roy just took it too far. She half expected him to cause the poor boy to break down one of these days, be it into tears... or the resulting death of his tormentor. Either way it wasn't going to be pretty. "Maybe he just wants to talk this time."

Ed stared at her, "Yeah, sure, and I'm a flying monkey."

Riza sighed again, shaking her head. She thought for a moment, Roy certainly was taking his sweet time. She began to wonder if this was yet another way to torment Edward, but this time it was making her suffer as well. "I need some coffee." she stood from her seat, half turning to face the young one who was now sitting there impatiently once more. "Do you want anything?"

"No... thanks." He grumbled through his fingers, his chin resting in his palm again. the report loosely in the other hand on his lap.

"I'll be back in a moment. If Colonel Mustang should ask." She said as she exited the office room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Ed watched her leave out of the corner of his eye, hidden by his long bangs, she wasn't able to see that he had his eyes on her as she left. A sadistic little grin played at the corner of his mouth. He listened, making sure she had left and that nobody was coming. He could hear her talking to Havoc down the hallway. The coast was clear. He stood quietly from his seat, making sure to silence the squeaky chair. And carefully, gently he leaned over the colonel's desk, peering at what had caught his attention before. There, before his eyes was a cracked drawer. Open just a couple of inches, but enough that he could peek inside. There, laid neatly inside was a pair of white gloves. Not just any gloves, it was the military issued white gloves that Colonel Roy Mustang always wore. The ones that had the Alchemy circle of fire imprinted in red upon the back. It was one of the sources for the Flame Alchemist's power. They were his precious babies, the tools of his trade. Everybody knew he loved those gloves, he took such pleasure in scaring people with them. When somebody was in need of a good punishment, he would slowly slip one glove on, letting it snap into place for effect with the circle in plan view of his enemy. Then he would say something cocky and proceed to tear the poor soul up with the flames of... well... you know. Ed's smile widened, a look of mischief upon his face, and his golden eyes sparkled as he pondered the Colonel's precious gloves, his favorite of all gloves.

Roy Mustang was quickly walking down the hallway running his bare hands through his black hair smoothing out it out, trying to make himself look presentable again. He should have known better than to drink that coffee... it was like drinking liquid dirt, and never set well with him. He glanced down the hall, just beyond his office door at the beautiful blond Riza Hawkeye. He stopped and watched her for a moment, she was walking back to the office, stopping long enough to listen to something Havoc was telling her. She smiled. Such a beautiful smile. Suddenly something dawned on the flame alchemist, if she wasn't in the office did that mean Full Metal had left? "Lieutenant Hawkeye?" his voice was serious.

She jerked her attention on him, "Yes, Colonel Mustang, I'm sorry I had to step out of the office for a moment."

Roy looked at the door and then back at her, he needn't say a word she knew what he was thinking. "Full Metal is still there. When I stepped out I told him you wanted to speak to him personally about the last mission." She answered his silent question, walking over to him getting rather close, and leaning in even closer, "Colonel... permission to speak freely, sir?"

Roy was captured by her bright amber eyes, he managed to mutter a reply, "yeah..." he was still contemplating how close she was, and what he might be able to get away with before she pulled the gun from the holster on her hip. But it may be worth it. A sly grin tugged at his lips.

"You ARE just going to talk to him about the mission, right. " her gaze shifted, searching his eyes for an honest answer. "I don't think he can take much more of your incessant teasing, sir."

Roy leaned back a little, a look of hurt crossed his face, "Of course I'm going to talk to him about the mission!" he turned to open the door, "I won't call him short..." he assured her.

"Or any other form of it... midget, small one... vertically challenged... anything like that?" she questioned in disbelief.

"I promise!" He reached for the handle of the door, in order to escort his beautiful Lieutenant inside.

Edward pushed past them going back into the office, "get a room you two." he grumbled as he swung open the door and took his seat once more.

Riza blinked at the boy, "Wait, when did you leave the office!"

Ed looked over his shoulder with an expression of total irritation on his face, "I decided I _did_ want to get a drink... So I got one... figured nobody would notice since they all disappeared for so long " He then laid his gaze on Roy, "What did you fall in and lieutenant Hawkeye had to pull you out?"

"You shouldn't talk to your commanding officer that way, kid." Roy said as he took his seat before the boy.

"yeah, whatever, let's just get this over with." Ed grunted.

Riza looked over at Roy, who returned her gaze winking a little at her. She sighed as she sat at her desk and returned to her paper work. Roy then interlocked his fingers and rested his elbows upon the desk. "To the point then shall we... about that last mission..."

Ed eyed him suspiciously, there were no insults... usually they were screaming at each other by now. He let out half a 'heh' sound and then placed the report before the colonel, still watching the dark haired man in disbelief.

Roy picked up the report, thumbed through it, reading it here and there, finally setting it down and looking the boy in the eyes. "It seemed everything went pretty well this time, but I still must say you need to control that anger of yours. Your flying off that handle like that all the time is causing a lot of unnecessary problems... And besides, rash decisions made during the heat of anger can result in casualties we can't afford to let happen..." he paused, staring at Ed, who was still watching him with a critical eye. He could also see Riza lift her head and look over at them. He had proven himself true to his word. He glanced over at the plate of cookies at the edge of his desk, temptation then took over. He reached for the plate, held it toward Ed, "_short_ bread?"

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!" Ed hissed, his face turned a lovely angry shade of red.

Riza sighed, shaking her head and covering her face with her hand.

"What? I just asked if you wanted a cookie?" Roy acted innocent.

"You... were... insinuating that I'm..." Ed was trying to control it, but the low growl he had to his tone was slowly taking over.

"I was not, Gracia Hughes made these for everybody... I just wanted to know if you wanted a piece of Short bread..." Roy's lip curled in a cruel smirk. He looked over at Riza, ignoring the now fuming Ed. "Didn't I just ask if he wanted a cookie... Did I call him Short?"

She was silent. Her expression was cold, irritated, and disappointed. It stung a little, but he just couldn't resist the temptation Gracia had laid upon him. He looked back at Edward, "If I had wanted to call you short I would have... must admit, though, you do have a lot in common with..." he held up a rather small piece of short bread.

"WHO YOU CALLING A RUNT SIZED PIECE OF SHORT BREAD THAT 'S TOO LITTLE TO EVEN TAKE A SECOND LOOK AT!" Ed had lost it.

Just as Ed was about to take a flying leap at Colonel Mustang the door to the office flew open and the hulking armored figure of Ed's little brother ran in, catching his older brother before he could get his hands on Roy. "BROTHER, NO!"

"PUT ME DOWN Al!" Ed struggled to free himself from the youngers grip.

"What timing!" Riza gasped, amazed at the _sense_ that Alphonse had seemed to develop about his enraged brother's fits of anger.

"It seemed to be talking longer than usual. and then I heard the 'who you calling' line... I figured I should intervene... sorry to interrupt your meeting." Al explained, still hanging on to his kicking and hissing brother.

Roy chuckled, but then stopped suddenly in his 'victory' he quickly pulled the drawer to his desk open further. He shifted papers, lifted blank note books, rustled pens, searching for something. Ed fell motionless in Al's grip looking at Roy puzzled, tilting his head to one side like a little bird. Al watched the frantic search as well, still holding his brother up short away from the ground. Riza's attention was on her commanding officer as well, she took a couple of steps closer to the desk until she was standing beside Al.

"Colonel?" she questioned, quietly.

"Where are they? I left them right here..." He stopped his search and looked up at Ed. "YOU!"

Ed pulled his head back, as though he was trying to back away, until he was resting against his brother, "What?"

"Hand them over... I know you took them." Roy was dead serious, he glared at the young alchemist.

"Took what?" Ed's eyes switched from Roy to Riza, looking for some kind of answer. "What?"

"Colonel, what are you talking about.." Riza questioned.

"MY GLOVES! I left them here," he motioned at the dishevel drawer, "Now their gone... So hand them over NOW!" Roy's voice was wavering.

"WHY WOULD I TAKE YOUR STUPID GLOVES!" Ed yelled.

"TO BE A PAIN IN THE..."

"COLONEL!" Riza stopped the fight before it resorted to profanity and more violence, "how do you know he took them, Colonel, perhaps you just misplaced them?"

"I wouldn't misplace my favorite gloves... and he was the only one in here... where else would they go!" He gave Ed the death glare.

"I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR #$ GLOVES!" Ed was dead serious as well.

"Brother!" Al tried to quiet him down.

"No, Al! I didn't do it! Lieutenant Hawkeye was with me! she would have seen me if I HAD tried... which I didn't!" He looked at Riza, asking her to confirm his story.

"But she left for a while! YOU TOOK THEM THEN!" Roy growled.

"Sir, I did leave but it was just for a little while and Ed must have left shortly after I had... and if you would recall you left before Edward got here... and I also went to get some paper work, so nobody was in here for a while before Edward even arrived." Riza interjected.

"Your point, lieutenant?" He asked, trying to calm down a little.

"How can you be sure Edward took it. anybody could have at that any of those times."

Roy thought about it for a moment silently, running his hand through his hair and sighing, what she said made sense... he was gone for quite a while, and there had been times the office had been left vacant. He looked up at Ed, who was shooting him a drop dead look. "There's only one way to be sure he didn't take it.."

The three gave him a strange 'what are you planning now' expression. Riza leaned in eyeing her Roy, "Sir?"

Roy walked over to the office door opening it and leaning his head out the door, "HAVOC! FALMAN! GET IN HERE!"

Al set his brother down as they watched the other two military men walk through the door. Ed looked up at his brother then at Roy not sure what to make of the situation. Riza was also confused, she could usually read the Colonel like a book, but this time she was at a loss. Roy straitened his collar, then pointed at Ed, "Take him and strip search him. He has my gloves somewhere on his person..."

Ed looked like a scalded cat, "WHAT THE H... HEY! " The two soldiers grabbed him, looking back at Roy questioningly, "LET ME GO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"

"Sir are you sure..." Falman started to question Roy's decision, but stopped short when Roy shot him _the look_. "ooook... Sorry kid."

"I SAID LEMME GO!" Ed was kicking and trying once again to free himself, but the men had him by the arms, lifted off the ground so he couldn't get away, "MUSTANG, YOU JERK! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS! LET ME GOOOOOOO!"

With that the office door slammed and it was now just three, Al looked dumb founded, "brother..." he squeaked, then looked at Roy.

Riza folded her arms over her chest, glaring at Roy. He shook off the tension he felt coming from the two, "It's the only way to be sure..." He sighed.

"Sir, that was not a very good decision," She paused, wondering about the ramifications of second guessing a higher ranked officer, but this had to be said, Roy was being a jerk., " They're just gloves, and what if he DOESN'T have them. You would have humiliated him for nothing."

Roy smiled, he didn't mind when Riza told him he was a rat, but only Riza was allowed to second guess him, "I seriously think he did, but..." He paused as he returned to his desk, cleaning up the drawer and then closing it. "If he didn't take those gloves, I'll give him a month off... that way it won't be for nothing."

Al liked the sound of that, he hoped his brother was honest and hadn't taken them... they could go home for a while, visit Winry. But he still felt bad for his dear brother, yet wondered if in a way he deserved it.

Riza sighed, "you better apologize to him as well, sir."

"fine fine... but if he took them I'm going to beat the living daylights out of him." he hissed.

Some time later, the door to the office slowly opened, Ed was standing there in the door way, his eye twitched as he silently glared at his demon Colonel. Roy looked up from his papers, Riza leaned back in her chair and Al jumped to his feet. All eyes where on the short alchemist standing quietly, holding his boots in one hand. Falman poked his head in the doorway above Ed, "no gloves sir."

Roy was shocked, his jaw fell as he settled his gaze on the severely ticked boy. "I...I... are you sure?" he questioned, his gaze went back to Falman.

Havoc now poked his head in, "None, sir... he didn't have them."

Riza swiveled in her chair, glaring at Roy, "Sir."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, gritting his teeth. Ed took a couple of steps into the office, "are you happy now!" he hissed.

Roy fidgeted, then straitened up, "I'm sorry I doubted you,"

"you're sorry? You had me strip searched down to my boxers for nothing! NOTHING! WHEN YOU FIND THOSE GLOVES I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU EAT THEM, YOU JERK!"

Al didn't try to stop his brother's tirade this time, he had every right to be angry now. So he stood silently until he was done. Riza didn't say a word either, she also wanted to yell at Roy, but she of course couldn't. Roy endured the verbal assault, knowing full well he deserved it, when there was finally a lull in the screams, Roy decided to continue, " you can have the next two months off. you boys deserve some time off.. after all you've gone through."

Ed fell silent in disbelief for a moment, wondering what alien had abducted his Colonel and replaced it with a civilized being, "that's not funny either, "

"I'm not joking, you can go on leave today if you want." he sighed and sat back down, "I'm sorry I accused you," he paused, "somebody else must have taken them,."

"AH, CRUD! HE'S GOING TO SEARCH US TOO! RUN!" Falman yelled down the hallway.

Ed stared at the Colonel for the longest time, then he slowly looked up at his brother, "two months?"

"yes." Roy answered him.

"really?"

"yes, un-interrupted." Roy again answered.

"You're forgiven, let's go, Al!" and with that the boys quickly left as though they were afraid Roy was going to change his mind.

Riza smiled, finally Roy had swallowed his pride and asked someone to forgive him. It was a rare sight and a little bit of her respect for this man had finally come back. "I thought you were only going to just give him one month."

"I felt really guilty," He didn't look at her, "I thought for sure he had taken them... then I guess somebody else did..." He looked up at Riza, a strange smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

She yanked the gun from her holster and aimed it at him, "don't even go there... Sir."

"WHAT? I wasn't going to say anything!" He held his hands up, trying to defend himself.

"You were thinking it." All respect had once again drained away.

"Brother," Al was walking behind his brother after they had hurriedly packed, they were then walking through the Cafeteria. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, it wasn't _that_ bad... I made it sound worse than it was. They just wanted to check all my pockets, that sort of thing. They didn't really strip search me, it's not like I was a criminal or something... and it's just a pair of gloves after all." He turned and gave his brother his signature grin. " Besides, it's worth it if we get to go home for a while."

"Brother, I'm glad you didn't take the Colonel's gloves... See, now we can go home for a little while! honesty really is the best policy, huh!" Al laughed.

Ed twitched a little as he entered the kitchen, waiving at one of the cooks and then looked sheepishly up at his brother. He then dropped to his right knee out of sight of the cooks and hiked up his left pants leg.

Al watched him for a moment, wondering what he was doing, then it hit him, "Oh, brother, you didn't really did you!"

Ed opened one of the panels on his AutoMail leg, pulling out a white pair of gloves, the same gloves that Roy was accusing him of taking. "sorry, Al, I couldn't help it... they were right there."

"oh, brother..." Al sounded disappointed.

"Hey, we wouldn't have gotten the time off if his gloves hadn't disappeared!" Ed whined, then looking down at the gloves in his hands, "If I had known they were going to do such a bad job of searching me I wouldn't have hid them in my Automail like that. Winry would kill me if she knew I was using them to smuggle stuff."

"You knew he was going to have you searched?" Al asked a little puzzled.

"I had a feeling... I knew he would pull something extreme... but I didn't expect to get an apology and a vacation out of it." Ed Snickered in victory.

"So brother, what are we doing in the kitchen?" Al finally registered their surroundings.

"I've got a promise to keep." Ed's tone was laced with a sadistic chuckle.

"Brother?" Al squeaked again.

A little while later Roy managed to drag himself to the cafeteria, actually it should be said that Riza managed to drag him to the cafeteria. He was in a depressed snit ever since he lost his gloves and had to apologize to the midgit Full Metal Alchemist. But it did seem to make Riza warm up to him a little more, it was the only good thing he could think of since he woke up this morning. The rest of the day had been a bust.

Riza walked over to the cook and asked for her usual muffin and juice and then ordered a sandwich for Roy, he kept telling her he wasn't hungry, but she knew he was still pouting over the mornings earlier incident and she was determined to make him eat. Last thing he needed was for his stomach to start growling during that meeting he had to go to later. She took the treys from the cook, turning to walk back to where she had left Roy sitting at the table, but something caught her eye. There was a flash of red, disappearing through the door way, she almost wondered if she was imagining things. But she thought she also heard the heavy metallic sound of footsteps. She listened, but didn't hear it anymore, shaking her head she made her way to the table. Roy was not alone, Hughes was now sitting with him, obviously showing him the newest photo of his little daughter and going on about her latest adventure in eating, sleeping, or just the radiance of her beauty. She could tell by Roy's tensed shoulders that he didn't want to hear it, or had already heard it for the fifth time. She smiled as she sat down on the other side of him and laid the sandwich before him.

"You've showed me that picture twenty times now, Hughes! Go bother somebody else now." Roy growled.

"Aw, but she's just so cute! How could you not want to just keep looking at her radiant beauty!" Hughes whined.

"Eat that before it gets mushy..." Riza ordered.

"And I told you I'm not hungry." he growled back at her.

"Did something happen?" Hughes leaned forward in front of Roy.

"He had to apologize to Full Metal." She answered before taking a sip of her juice.

"This is my business, and you don't have to know about it!" Roy twitched.

"Half of Central knows about it already... You lost your gloves right, and jumped to the conclusion that Edward took it, right?" Hughes was already in the light of things.

Roy growled again, wondering if it was Falman or Havoc that had spilled the beans. He picked up the sandwich and took a bite out of it, a shocked look shot across his face. His eye twitched as he looked down at the sandwich and started to pull it back.

Riza saw the look, "Sir, is something wrong?"

Roy pulled it away, it was tough for some reason, and as he pulled the sandwich back a once white glove dangled by the finger from his teeth. He reached up and pulled it out, looking at it. There was stuff all over it, mustard, mayo, that juice from the meat... but he could still make out the red flame transmutation circle of his favorite gloves. Then the words flashed through his mind.

_"WHEN YOU FIND THOSE GLOVES I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU EAT THEM, YOU JERK!"_

Roy shot up, the table shook and Hughes and Riza just about fell out of their seats he startled them so. His face was a lovely shade of red, he tilted his head back and screamed, "EDWARD ELRIC! I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER FOR THIS!"

"Brother! Did you hear that?" Al looked behind them as they were running to the train station.

"KEEP RUNNING AL! WE'VE GOTTA MAKE THAT TRAIN!" Ed looked a little scared and yet strangely happy, he turned back and looked at the place they were running from "EAT THAT YA JERK! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!" And with that the two jumped onto the already moving train toward home.

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So, what do you think? is it ok? did you like it? did it make you laugh? OH, please let me know what you guys think... I know I shouldn't do this, but I'm judging my other FMA fic on the results of this one. I'm at chapter 10 now of the other... it's getting so long... I'm getting scared that people might hate it... sigh... all that work... well, I hope you all enjoyed this. 


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